Answer Children are not punished for the sins committed by their parents; neither are parents punished for the sins of their children. Each of us is responsible for our own sins. Ezekiel 18:20 tells us, "The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son." September 18, 2014 10:00 AM EDT R esponsibility. That's what most parents list as the No. 1 quality they want their kids to have. No matter their age, race or political leaning, parents An extensive survey reveals that parents want more information about schools today - their wish results in a magazine and social media campaign. Published: 25.8.2021 9.02 Updated: School Rules! (Peruskoulu on parasta) is a 56-page magazine for pupils and their parents. The printed magazine will be distributed to 5th and 7th grade pupils Parents won't always be in the next room to help their children with all sorts of menial tasks and major challenges. We want to raise independent and confident kiddos — so that they grow into Some parents might be tempted to get their child's antibody levels tested, but Dr. Kate Russell Woodworth, a medical epidemiologist with the CDC, said at a CDC advisers' meeting Tuesday that In 1934 physician Johanna Haarer published The German Mother and Her First Child.Her advice guided child-rearing in the Third Reich. It ultimately sold some 1.2 million copies, almost half of them DBNh. Seventy-three percent of American kids would like more opportunities to bond with their families, according to a new poll. They also said they considered their family life to be very close—even much closer than relationships they had with friends. But the survey of 2,000 school-aged children aged 6 to 17 found that they are not alone 70% of parents would also like more chances to spend quality time together. Luckily, moms and dads searching for inspiration don’t have to look far, as the survey pinpointed the top activities children want to do more often with their folks. Commissioned by Red Robin and conducted by OnePoll, the results revealed that spending a day at the beach, playing sports in the yard and taking a day trip to a museum or amusement park were the top desired activities. Other simple pleasures listed were playing board games or card games together and going out to dinner or a movie. WATCH Dad Chatting’ With Infant Son About TV May Be the Most Darling Thing on the Internet Today For parents looking to make the most of the rest of their summer, other activities on the list were creating arts and crafts, hiking in the woods and cooking meals as a family. TOP 20 ACTIVITIES KIDS MOST WANT TO DO WITH THEIR PARENTS 1. Go to the beach 2. Exercise 3. Play sports 4. Go to the pool 5. Go to the movies 6. Play at a park 7. Camp 8. Take a day trip zoo, museum, amusement park, etc. 9. Play video games 10. Go shopping 11. Go out to dinner together 12. Hike 13. Go to an event sporting event, concert, etc. 14. Spend time together in the car driving to school, appointments, extracurriculars, etc. 15. Watch movies at home 16. Make a meal together 17. Eat meals together at home 18. Play board games/card games 19. Create arts and crafts 20. Have them help with homework When it comes to connecting around the dinner table, kids say they’d have more fun with their family if they were allowed to decide the order of the meal, dessert first 59%, could order for the entire family 52% or if they were the only ones allowed to ask questions at the table 32%. The majority of children surveyed consider their family to be close 90%, with more than half 56% specifying a “very close” bond—and even though 34% of children don’t think their parents understand what it’s like to be a kid today, it doesn’t affect the strength of their family connections. Surprisingly, even when asked about their friendships, children were more likely to feel connected to their family than their peers 49% vs. 14%. WATCH Proud Dad Mic’d His 4-Year-Old Playing Hockey and the Results Are Comedy GOAL! Most of the activities on the parents’ wish-lists matched with what their kids wanted to do, so implementing more family time should be fairly easy. TOP 10 ACTIVITIES PARENTS LIKE TO DO WITH THEIR CHILDREN 1. Eat meals together at home 2. Help their children with homework/schoolwork 3. Watch movies at home 4. Bath time/getting ready for bed 5. Make a meal together 6. Read bedtime stories 7. Go out to dinner together 8. Go shopping 9. Play video games 10. Driving their children around to/from school, appointments, etc. While parents enjoy activities like hiking, helping with homework, and playing games, it all comes down to “anything where their children are enjoying themselves and laughing.” Do Your Friends Agree? Share The Survey On Social Media… “At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.” -Jane D. Hull Human beings go through many developmental processes in their lifetime, with parenting being one of the most important one. It is imperative to understand that parenting is an ongoing learning process and one needs to put in deliberate efforts towards doing it right. As the quote says – “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” Parenting starts influencing the child from the moment the child starts observing. The central principle of modelling as proposed by Albert Bandura is that behaviour is learned from the environment through the process of observational learning. Family being a child’s first social environment, chances are that the child is affected the most by its family members; parents being the role models! Children observe and learn from their environment. Thus, as an informed parent, it is essential to be conscious about how to behave with young ones at home. According to American Psychological Association APA, parenting practices around the world share three major goals Ensuring children’s health and safety, Preparing children for life as productive adults, Transmitting cultural values. Parenting involves taking care of basic needs of the child like food, clothing, education and health. Apart from this, parenting also involves giving warmth, care, love and support in every way possible, including providing them with right guidance and exercising control wherever necessary. Various factors like socioeconomic demographics, personality of the parents, educational qualification of the parents, family environment and parenting style may affect parenting. For instance, according to researchers, children from lower Socioeconomic Status and communities showed delayed development of academic skills than children from higher SES groups. It was further reported that low SES in childhood was related to poor cognitive development, language, memory, socioemotional processing, and consequently poor income and health in adulthood Morgan, Farkas, Hillemeier, & Maczuga, 2009.Dauber and Epstein 1993 and Janosz 1994 suggested that the environment which is provided by parents and family members influence children’s academic achievement. According to another finding, both, parent personality and the quality of parenting behaviours seemed to play an important role in personality development during adolescence Schofield, et al., 2012. Parenting style’ is another important factor. It refers to the variation in the ways that different people raise their children. The work of Diane Baumrind in the 1960s created one commonly-referenced categorization of parenting styles, which includes four distinct parenting styles Authoritarian or Disciplinarian, Permissive or Indulgent, Uninvolved, Authoritative. Authoritative parenting was found to be most effective in bringing out academic excellence in children. The quality of parent-child relationship is critical fo r healthy development of the child. If a child witnesses a healthy relationship between parents at home and feels that the parents are more responsive towards his/her needs, the emotional well- being of the child is enhanced. How many of us give our children a chance to speak freely and discuss sensitive issues like menstruation/puberty/sex? By not doing so, we are pushing them to search for inappropriate sources of information. Gender differences in parenting is extremely evident when parents have distinct expectations from their son and daughter, which results in limiting their potentials as individuals. Men are encouraged to restrict themselves from expressing their emotions and expected to be more aggressive, while women are pushed to be caring and less aggressive. It has been found that inadequate parenting is related to problems including childhood illness and accidents, teenage pregnancy, substance misuse, juvenile crime, mental illness, truancy and school underachievement Hoghughi & Speight, 1998. With the changing scenario in our country, we are moving from a collectivistic culture towards an individualistic culture, from a system of joint families we are now becoming nuclear families. In earlier times, children used to listen to stories, play outdoor games and share their feelings with their grandparents. Today, they spend time alone, playing video games and watching their favourite TV series. This transition from joint to nuclear families has had a significant effect on the upbringing of our children. Hence, it becomes imperative to become good parents and undertake the responsibility of parenthood seriously. As parents, be ready to take the roller coaster ride and have shared responsibilities. Things which every parent should do- Appreciate them and give them rewards Avoid expressing negative emotions and behaviours like anger, use of abusive language, arguments or fights Never compare them with others Hug them, tell bedtime stories and kiss them good night Monitor their screen time Listen to them Spend time with them Solve their queries Try to maintain a healthy communication in the family Most importantly, love your children! Parenting is a 24*7 job which involves taking your kid through the journey of life and helping them find their meaning of life. “There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” —Sue Atkins For the latest data on parenting in America, see “Parenting in America Today” January 2023. Contemporary debates about parenthood often focus on parenting philosophies Are kids better off with helicopter parents or a free-range approach? What’s more beneficial in the long run, the high expectations of a tiger mom or the nurturing environment where every child is a winner? Is overscheduling going to damage a child or help the child get into a good college? While these debates may resonate with some parents, they often overlook the more basic, fundamental challenges many parents face – particularly those with lower incomes. A broad, demographically based look at the landscape of American families reveals stark parenting divides linked less to philosophies or values and more to economic circumstances and changing family structure. A new Pew Research Center survey conducted Sept. 15-Oct. 13, 2015, among 1,807 parents with children younger than 18 finds that for lower-income parents, financial instability can limit their children’s access to a safe environment and to the kinds of enrichment activities that affluent parents may take for granted. For example, higher-income parents are nearly twice as likely as lower-income parents to rate their neighborhood as an “excellent” or “very good” place to raise kids 78% vs. 42%. On the flip side, a third of parents with annual family incomes less than $30,000 say that their neighborhood is only a “fair” or “poor” place to raise kids; just 7% of parents with incomes in excess of $75,000 give their neighborhood similarly low ratings. Along with more negative ratings of their neighborhoods, lower-income parents are more likely than those with higher incomes to express concerns about their children being victims of violence. At least half of parents with family incomes less than $30,000 say they worry that their child or children might be kidnapped 59% or get beat up or attacked 55%, shares that are at least 15 percentage points higher than among parents with incomes above $75,000. And about half 47% of these lower-income parents worry that their children might be shot at some point, more than double the share among higher-income parents. Concerns about teenage pregnancy and legal trouble are also more prevalent among lower-income parents. Half of lower-income parents worry that their child or one of their children will get pregnant or get a girl pregnant as a teenager, compared with 43% of higher-income parents. And, by a margin of 2-to-1, more lower-income than higher-income parents 40% vs. 21% say they worry that their children will get in trouble with the law at some point. There are some worries, though, that are shared across income groups. At least half of all parents, regardless of income, worry that their children might be bullied or struggle with anxiety or depression at some point. For parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher, these concerns trump all others tested in the survey. The survey also finds that lower-income parents with school-age children face more challenges than those with higher incomes when it comes to finding affordable, high-quality after-school activities and programs. About half 52% of those with annual family incomes less than $30,000 say these programs are hard to find in their community, compared with 29% of those with incomes of $75,000 or higher. And when it comes to the extracurricular activities in which their children participate after school or on weekends, far more higher-income parents than lower-income parents say their children are engaged in sports or organizations such as the scouts or take lessons in music, dance or art. For example, among high-income parents, 84% say their children have participated in sports in the 12 months prior to the survey; this compares with 59% among lower-income parents. The link between family structure and financial circumstances The dramatic changes that have taken place in family living arrangements have no doubt contributed to the growing share of children living at the economic margins. In 2014, 62% of children younger than 18 lived in a household with two married parents – a historic low, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of data from the Census Bureau. The share of kids living with only one parent stood at 26% in 2014. And the share in households with two parents who are living together but not married 7% has risen steadily in recent These patterns differ sharply across racial and ethnic groups. Large majorities of white 72% and Asian-American 82% children are living with two married parents, as are 55% of Hispanic children. By contrast only 31% of black children are living with two married parents, while more than half 54% are living in a single-parent household. The economic outcomes for these different types of families vary dramatically. In 2014, 31% of children living in single-parent households were living below the poverty line, as were 21% of children living with two cohabiting By contrast, only one-in-ten children living with two married parents were in this circumstance. In fact, more than half 57% of those living with married parents were in households with incomes at least 200% above the poverty line, compared with just 21% of those living in single-parent households. Most parents say they’re doing a good job raising their kids Across income groups, however, parents agree on one thing They’re doing a fine job raising their children. Nearly identical shares of parents with incomes of $75,000 or higher 46%, $30,000 to $74,999 44% and less than $30,000 46% say they are doing a very good job as parents, and similar shares say they are doing a good job. Though parental scorecards don’t differ by income, they do vary across other demographic divides, such as gender and generation. Among all parents, more mothers than fathers say they are doing a very good job raising their children 51% vs. 39%, and Millennial mothers are particularly inclined to rate themselves positively. Nearly six-in-ten 57% moms ages 18 to 34 say they are doing a very good job as a parent, a higher share than Millennial dads 43% or any other generational group. Regardless of how they see themselves, parents care a lot about how others perceive their parenting skills. For married or cohabiting parents, the opinion of their spouse or partner matters the most 93% of these parents say it matters a lot to them that their spouse or partner sees them as a good parent. But most single parents 56% also say they care a lot that their child’s other parent sees them as a good parent. About seven-in-ten 72% parents want their own parents to think they are doing a good job raising their children, and smaller but substantive shares care a lot that their friends 52% and people in their community 45% see them as good parents. Parents are nearly evenly divided about whether their children’s successes and failures are more a reflection of how they are doing as parents 46% or of their children’s own strengths and weaknesses 42%. Parents of younger children feel more personally responsible for their children’s achievements or lack thereof, while parents of teenagers are much more likely to say that it’s their children who are mainly responsible for their own successes and failures. There are significant differences along racial lines as well, with black and Hispanic parents much more likely than whites to say their children’s successes and failures are mainly a reflection of the job they are doing as parents. Mothers are more overprotective than fathers About six-in-ten parents 62% say they can sometimes be overprotective, while just a quarter say they tend to give their children too much freedom. More also say they criticize their kids too much than say they offer too much praise 44% vs. 33%. American parents are more divided on whether they sometimes “stick to their guns” too much or give in too quickly 43% each. In several key ways, mothers and fathers approach parenting differently. Mothers are more likely than fathers to say that they sometimes are overprotective of their children, give in too quickly and praise their children too much. Mothers also have more extensive support networks that they rely on for advice about parenting. They’re much more likely than fathers to turn to family members and friends and to take advantage of parenting resources such as books, magazines and online sources. For example, while 43% of moms say they turn to parenting websites, books or magazines at least sometimes for parenting advice, about a quarter 23% of dads do the same. And moms are more than twice as likely as dads to say they at least occasionally turn to online message boards, listservs or social media for advice on parenting 21% vs. 9%. In at least one key area gender does not make a difference mothers and fathers are equally likely to say that being a parent is extremely important to their overall identity. About six-in-ten moms 58% and dads 57% say this, and an additional 35% and 37%, respectively, say being a parent is very important to their overall identity. Parental involvement – how much is too much? The survey findings, which touch on different aspects of parenting and family life, paint a mixed portrait of American parents when it comes to their involvement in their children’s education. About half 53% of those with school-age children say they are satisfied with their level of engagement, but a substantial share 46% wish they could be doing more. And while parents generally don’t think children should feel badly about getting poor grades as long as they try hard, about half 52% say they would be very disappointed if their children were average students. A narrow majority of parents 54% say parents can never be too involved in their children’s education. But about four-in-ten 43% say too much parental involvement in a child’s education can be a bad thing, a view that is particularly common among parents with more education and higher incomes. For example, while majorities of parents with a post-graduate 65% or a bachelor’s 57% degree say too much involvement could have negative consequences, just 38% of those with some college and 28% with no college experience say the same. Black and Hispanic parents have a much different reaction to this question than do white parents, even after controlling for differences in educational attainment. Fully 75% of black and 67% of Hispanic parents say a parent can never be too involved in a child’s education. About half of white parents 47% agree. Whether or not they feel too much involvement can be a bad thing, a majority of parents are involved – at least to some extent – in their children’s education. Among parents with school-age children, 85% say they have talked to a teacher about their children’s progress in school over the 12 months leading up to the survey. Roughly two-thirds 64% say they have attended a PTA meeting or other special school meeting. And 60% have helped out with a special project or class trip at their children’s school. Parents’ level of engagement in these activities is fairly consistent across income groups. Reading aloud is one way parents can get involved in their children’s education even before formal schooling begins. Among parents with children under the age of 6, about half 51% say they read aloud to their children every day, and those who have graduated from college are far more likely than those who have not to say this is the case. About seven-in-ten 71% parents with a bachelor’s degree say they read to their young children every day, compared with 47% of those with some college and 33% of those with a high school diploma or less. Kids are busy, and so are their parents American children – including preschoolers – participate in a variety of extracurricular activities. At least half of parents with school-age children say their kids have played sports 73%, participated in religious instruction or youth groups 60%, taken lessons in music, dance or art 54% or done volunteer work 53% after school or on the weekends in the 12 months preceding the survey. Among those with children younger than 6, four-in-ten say their young children have participated in sports, and about as many say they have been part of an organized play group; one-third say their children have taken music, dance or art lessons. Parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher are far more likely than those with lower incomes to say their children have participated in extracurricular activities. For parents with school-age children, the difference is particularly pronounced when it comes to doing volunteer work a 27 percentage point difference between those with incomes of $75,000 or higher and those with incomes less than $30,000, participating in sports 25 points, and taking music, dance or art lessons 21 points. Similarly, by double-digit margins, higher-income parents with children younger than 6 are more likely than those with lower incomes to say their young children have participated in sports or taken dance, music or art lessons in the 12 months prior to the survey. Parents with higher incomes are also more likely to say their children’s day-to-day schedules are too hectic with too many things to do. Overall, 15% of parents with children between ages 6 and 17 describe their kids’ schedules this way. Among those with incomes of $75,000 or higher, one-in-five say their children’s schedules are too hectic, compared with 8% of those who earn less than $30,000. But if kids are busy, their parents are even busier. About three-in-ten 31% parents say they always feel rushed, even to do the things they have to do, and an additional 53% say they sometimes feel rushed. Not surprisingly, parents who feel rushed at least sometimes are more likely than those who almost never feel rushed to see parenting as tiring and stressful and less likely to see it as enjoyable all of the time. Spanking is an unpopular form of discipline, but one-in-six use it at least sometimes Parents employ many methods to discipline their children. The most popular is explaining why a child’s behavior is inappropriate three-quarters say they do this often. About four-in-ten 43% say they frequently take away privileges, such as time with friends or use of TV or other electronic devices, and a roughly equal share say they give a “timeout” 41% of parents with children younger than 6 as a form of discipline, while about one-in-five 22% say they often resort to raising their voice or yelling. Spanking is the least commonly used method of discipline – just 4% of parents say they do it often. But one-in-six parents say they spank their children at least some of the time as a way to discipline them. Black parents 32% are more likely than white 14% and Hispanic 19% parents to say they sometimes spank their children and are far less likely to say they never resort to spanking 31% vs. 55% and 58%, respectively. Spanking is also correlated with educational attainment. About one-in-five 22% parents with a high school diploma or less say they use spanking as a method of discipline at least some of the time, as do 18% of parents with some college and 15% of parents with a bachelor’s degree. In contrast, just 8% of parents with a post-graduate degree say they often or sometimes spank their children. Parental worries differ sharply by race, ethnicity In addition to the economic gaps that underlie parents’ worries about the safety and well-being of their children, wide racial gaps exist on a few key items. White parents are far more likely than black parents to worry that their kids might struggle with anxiety or depression 58% vs. 35% or that they might have problems with drugs or alcohol 40% vs. 23%. Black parents, in turn, worry more than white parents do that their children might get shot at some point. About four-in-ten 39% black parents say this is a concern, compared with about one-in-five 22% white parents. And this difference persists even when looking at white and black parents who live in urban areas, where there is more concern about shootings. On each of these items and others tested in the survey, Hispanic parents are more likely than white and black parents to express concern. These differences are driven, at least in part, by high levels of concern among foreign-born Hispanics, who tend to have lower household incomes and lower levels of educational attainment than native-born Hispanics. The remainder of this report includes an examination of changing family structures in the as well as detailed analyses of findings from the new Pew Research Center survey. Chapter 1 looks at the changing circumstances in which children are raised, drawing on demographic data, largely from government sources. This analysis highlights the extent to which parents’ changing marital and relationship status affects overall family makeup, and it also includes detailed breakdowns by key demographic characteristics such as race, education and household income. Chapters 2 through 5 explore findings from the new survey, with Chapter 2 focusing on parents’ assessments of the job they are doing raising their children and their families’ living circumstances. Chapter 3 looks at parenting values and philosophies. Chapter 4 examines child care arrangements and parents’ involvement in their children’s education. And Chapter 5 looks at extracurricular activities. Other key findings About six-in-ten 62% parents with infants or preschool-age children say that it’s hard to find child care in their community that is both affordable and high quality, and this is true across income groups. Most working parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher 66% say their young children are cared for in day care centers or preschools, while those earning less than $30,000 rely more heavily on care by family members 57%. On average, parents say children should be at least 10 years old before they should be allowed to play in front of their house unsupervised while an adult is inside. Parents say children should be even older before they are allowed to stay home alone for about an hour 12 years old or to spend time at a public park unsupervised 14 years old. Roughly a third of parents 31% with children ages 6 to 17 say they have helped coach their child in a sport or athletic activity in the past year. Fathers 37% are more likely than mothers 27% to say they have done this. Nine-in-ten parents with children ages 6 to 17 say their kids watch TV, movies or videos on a typical day, and 79% say they play video games. Parents whose children get daily screen time are split about whether their children spend too much time on these activities 47% or about the right amount of time 50%. Eight-in-ten 81% parents with children younger than 6 say that their young children watch videos or play games on an electronic device on a daily basis. Roughly a third 32% of these parents say their kids spend too much time on these activities; 65% say the amount of time is about right. Throughout this report, references to college graduates or parents with a college degree comprise those with a bachelor’s degree or more. “Some college” refers to those with a two-year degree or those who attended college but did not obtain a degree. “High school” refers to those who have attained a high school diploma or its equivalent, such as a General Education Development GED certificate. Mentions of “school-age” children refer to those ages 6 to 17. “Teenagers” include children ages 13 to 17. References to white and black parents include only those who are non-Hispanic. Hispanics are of any race. Mentions of Millennials include those who were ages 18 to 34 at the time of the survey. Gen Xers are ages 35 to 50. Baby Boomers are ages 51 to 69. When parents are so busy with their children’s lives, they don’t have any time for themselves and may be doing more harm than Boyle is exhausted. Living in Chattanooga, Tennessee, she’s mom to a 3-year-old whose weekly schedule includes occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, aquatic therapy, swim classes three days a week, ballet, gymnastics, cooking, and soccer. “Then there’s the constant mental work,” she told Healthline. “What did she eat today? Has she had enough protein? How many vegetables? Does she have clean clothes and gear for activities? Has she napped? How many books did we read today? Did she have too much screen time?”With so much going on, it’s no wonder Boyle is feeling overwhelmed by parenthood. And she’s not alone. According to a recent New York Times article, “Parenthood in the United States has become much more demanding than it used to be.”The pressure is certainly on, with parents being more involved than ever before. There are more activities to attend, more expensive opportunities to take advantage of, and more outside judgment of parents who don’t seem to be doing it all. The Times piece cites several reasons for this shift. From the ever-increasing gap between rich and poor and parents wanting to ensure their children are on the right side of that gap to the input from experts constantly suggesting parents do more, the article essentially concludes we’re asking too much of modern parents — and they’re suffering as a result. Responses from parents online have been swift, with many chiming in to share their own experiences — both good and bad. But is “the relentlessness of modern parenting,” which one expert quoted in the Times piece describes as “child-centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive,” really what’s best for kids?Dr. Steph Lee is a pediatrician specializing in preventive medicine and a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics AAP. She told Healthline, “I think some of it could be beneficial and some of it maybe not so much. Should you consider your child and make time for them? Absolutely. But should you neglect your own well-being? Absolutely not. Parents are better parents when they take into consideration their own needs.”However, plenty of parents seem to be neglecting that needed time spent on themselves. And mothers, especially, seem to be sacrificing their needs for the needs of their families. According to 2015 Pew Research data, 53 percent of mothers said they don’t have enough time or any time at all for friends and not hard to see why, when 73 percent said their children participated in athletic activities in the last year, 60 percent said their children participated in religious instruction or youth groups, and 54 percent said their children took lessons in music, dance, or art. Meanwhile, the majority of parents across all income levels said good, affordable child care was hard to find. What’s more, 67 percent of mothers said they had participated in PTA or other school meetings, while 63 percent had volunteered with special projects, activities, or class trips. Despite all that, half of full-time working moms reported wishing they were able to be more involved in their children’s education. “Before the advent of the internet, I feel like parenting was basically keep the kid alive, show up to parent-teacher conferences, and maybe a recital,” Boyle explained when describing her own relentless experience of motherhood. “Now there’s so much information out there about what all we could be doing and how we could be doing better or more for our kids,” she to relationship and parenting expert Dr. Wendy Walsh, the issue isn’t that modern parenting is now asking too much of parents. It’s that society as a whole isn’t supporting families in doing what’s best for kids. “Parents are now having to compensate for the fact that our society and culture aren’t helping the way they used to, so parents will fail at every turn because they’ll never be able to do it all,” she United States has fallen behind other developed nations when it comes to supporting families. It’s the only country that fails to guarantee any paid parental leave. It also has the second-highest cost of child care, while healthcare spending in the country is double that of other nations but with worse outcomes. Then there’s the fact that the structure of American families is simply changing. There are more single-parent homes, families are having fewer children resulting in less help from older siblings in raising younger siblings, and extended family support isn’t always available. There are also now more women in the workforce than ever before, but according to the Times piece, those women are still spending “just as much time tending to their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s.”According to Dr. Walsh, “The problem isn’t women leaving the household. The problem is twofold men not entering the household and society not catching up to start taking over.”Share on PinterestKids do benefit from the direction parenthood is heading today, but society needs to step up its support. Getty ImagesBut Walsh doesn’t think the pressure needs to be as great as many make it. She mentions Donald Winnicott, an English pediatrician and psychoanalyst, who focused on the idea of being a “good enough” parent.“Kids grow in our gaps,” Walsh explained. “They grow when we forget to pack their lunch or are a little late picking them up from school. A parent that is hovering is not good for kids, nor is a parent who is neglectful. Most of us who are trying end up being just good enough anyway.”She believes kids benefit from the direction parenthood has headed today, but she wants to see society step up its support. “It’s not that we’re telling parents to do it wrong, it’s that we’re not helping them to do it right. We need to stop blaming the parents. They’re just struggling in a system that’s already established and in modern communities where the deck is already stacked against them.”Dr. Lee suggests talking to your child’s doctor if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the demands of modern parenting or the latest recommendations being made by experts. “The recommendations of the AAP should always be viewed as guidelines,” she told Healthline. “If your mental health or well-being is suffering because you’re trying so hard to adhere to these guidelines, that’s not what we intend. There are tools and strategies your child’s doctor can discuss with you for doing the best you can without adding more unnecessary stress.” Boyle admits she wouldn’t necessarily change anything about the way she parents. Where the Times piece states parents today spend an average of five hours a week actively engaging with their children compared to the one hour and 45 minutes a week parents in the ’70s apparently spent, she said, “That just seems so sad. I worked hard to have this child, why wouldn’t I want to spend time with her? In a perfect world, I’d spend an hour and 45 minutes just reading and playing with her every day.”Boyle says she doesn’t mind the activities, mostly because her daughter loves them. And she loves her daughter. Still, “Sometimes, I just need a break,” she said. “I just want to sit on the couch and turn my brain off for a little while. Or have an adult conversation. Or pee alone.”They’re not unreasonable requests. But if the relentlessness of modern parenting doesn’t allow for that time, perhaps modern moms and dads need to reevaluate their approach to parenting. March 11, 2021Stanford-led study highlights the importance of letting kids take the lead Research led by Stanford education professor Jelena Obradović finds that too much parental involvement when children are focused on an activity can undermine behavioral development. Parents today often look for teachable moments – and opportunities abound. When reading a book with a child, for example, it might mean discussing story plots with him. If she isn’t allowed to play a videogame, it means explaining why. Jelena Obradović Image credit Courtesy Graduate School of Education There’s good reason for this Research has shown that engaged parenting helps children build cognitive and emotional skills. Too much parental direction, however, can sometimes be counterproductive, according to a new study led by Jelena Obradović, an associate professor at Stanford Graduate School of Education, published March 11 in the Journal of Family Psychology. In the study, the researchers observed parents’ behavior when kindergarten-age children were actively engaged in playing, cleaning up toys, learning a new game and discussing a problem. The children of parents who more often stepped in to provide instructions, corrections or suggestions or to ask questions – despite the children being appropriately on task – displayed more difficulty regulating their behavior and emotions at other times. These children also performed worse on tasks that measured delayed gratification and other executive functions, skills associated with impulse control and the ability to shift between competing demands for their attention. Obradović and her co-authors found that the phenomenon occurs across the socioeconomic spectrum. “Parents have been conditioned to find ways to involve themselves, even when kids are on task and actively playing or doing what they’ve been asked to do,” said Obradović, who also directs the Stanford Project on Adaptation and Resilience in Kids SPARK. “But too much direct engagement can come at a cost to kids’ abilities to control their own attention, behavior and emotions. When parents let kids take the lead in their interactions, children practice self-regulation skills and build independence.” Obradović’s research, which introduces a far more granular measure of parental engagement than traditional methods, shines new light on how parents help and hinder their children’s development during the pivotal transition to elementary school. It also comes as today’s parents, increasingly derided as “helicopter” and “snowplow” caregivers, are spending more time with their kids than their own mothers and fathers did – even before the COVID-19 pandemic turned many parents into primary playmates and homeschoolers. A deeper dive into parent-child interactions Finding the right balance when engaging with children is especially important around kindergarten, said Obradović, whose research examines how caregiving environments contribute to child health, learning and well-being over time. The onset of elementary school is an especially challenging time when kids are expected to manage their attention, emotions and behaviors without parents’ direct help. “This is a really important shift, when parents have to learn to pull back,” she said. For their research, Obradović and her co-authors – Michael Sulik, a research scientist at SPARK, and Anne Shaffer, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Georgia – brought together a diverse group of 102 children ages 4 to 6 and their primary caregivers in a Stanford lab. For two and a half hours, the kids worked on a series of tasks that have been used by child development specialists for decades to measure self-regulation, as well as executive functions deemed either “cool” when emotions don’t matter or “hot” when emotions are high. The children also participated with their parents in structured activities requiring different degrees of adult interaction. In a novel approach, the scholars had each parent and child observed separately. Using video recordings, the interactions were broken down second by second and evaluated independently. This allowed Obradović and her team to identify subtle shifts in how parents engage with their children. During a 25-minute activity, for example, a mother might follow her son’s lead for 13 seconds, then withdraw for 5 seconds, then direct him for 35 seconds. Typically, when researchers study a given aspect of parenting, they assign a single rating for the entire interaction. But that approach can be biased by the researcher’s overall impression of the parent-child relationship. Most caregivers seem supportive and caring, said Obradović. “On average, you don’t see a lot of parents yelling at their kids or being intrusive or checking their phones,” she said. “But there is a lot of variability within those averages, and our goal was to discover more subtle differences among parents who are generally doing fine.” These moment-by-moment shifts in parental engagement matter. “These are subtle things, but the message that children are getting may not be so subtle,” Obradović said. Permission to take a break For their analysis, Obradović and her collaborators created a measure of what they call “parental over-engagement.” They noted the moments when a child was working independently or leading an activity, and they calculated the ratio between times when parents intervened in ways that were meant to be helpful not harsh or manipulative and times when parents followed the child’s lead. The researchers found a correlation between high levels of parent involvement when a child is focused on a task and children’s difficulties with self-regulation and other behaviors. This was most apparent for children’s “hot” executive functions. When a child was passively engaged, the researchers didn’t find any link between parental over-engagement and children’s self-regulation. According to Obradović, this suggests that there is no harm in parents stepping in when children are not actively on task. Obradović said the point of the study is not to criticize parents. “When we talk about parental over-engagement, we’re not saying it’s bad or obviously intrusive engagement,” she said. “There’s nothing wrong with suggesting ideas or giving tips to children.” But it’s important for parents to be aware that teachable moments have their place, she said. Helping a preschooler to complete a puzzle, for example, has been shown to support cognitive development and build independence. And guidance is important when children are not paying attention, violating rules or only half-heartedly engaging in an activity. Sometimes, however, kids just need to be left alone or allowed to be in charge. This message may be especially relevant during the pandemic, Obradović noted, when parents may wonder how much direct involvement their children need, especially with everybody balancing new obligations. “Have that honest conversation with yourself, especially if your kid is doing OK,” she said. “As stressful as this time is, try to find opportunities to let them take the lead.”

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